Saturday, January 28, 2012

More Than Meets the Eye

It's currently 21 degrees outdoors and on the backside of what I would call the witching hours. With a case of insomnia last night for a good reason, it's a great moment to explain what I mean by "More Than Meets the Eye."

It's been eons since my visit to the blogging universe. Since the 24 Hours in Frog Hollow to be exact. Life has been full of surprises. To catch up to speed, I've been riding here and there. I missed out on seeing my brother for the holidays but QT was spent with my parents and friends in New Hampshire. I started a new career path with a company that I absolutely love. Then two Saturdays ago, I was hit by a Toyota 4Runner...while riding my bike. I really believe that you can't truly manifest another's story of being struck by a vehicle until it happens to you. It's incredible how hyper vigilant I am of every 4Runner in town. Before being t-boned, I took a mental snap shot of something I may never forget.

I can't recall ever feeling like my life was so out of my control more than at that very moment. The site of the 4Runner grill before impact is where I've been stuck but every day is more space between that grill and me. Anything could have happened and I've considered myself lucky ever since. In the first zombie-like week after the accident, I overheard two associates on separate occasions uninfluenced by me state "sometimes you're better off lucky than good." I sat in my cube while those words showered me in truth.

With a therapeutic career background, I can't help but strive for justice out of this scenario. How dare someone be so reckless that it jeopardizes another's life? I'm not vindictive but I want justice. It needs to be something constructive that I can wrap my mind around. Putting a price on life by a reimbursement check only goes so far. I understand that I do have my life and therefore the upcoming season I'll go great lengths to achieve my goal, "Do What You Can't." Justice is digging in the trenches of suffering, because in the suffering is when I feel most alive. Pain literally makes me laugh out loud. It's the statement that I am here and I'm not going anywhere. It's the statement that life can hit me with a 4Runner but you better believe that I'll get back up and charge on.


What I mean by "More Than Meets the Eye" is that you don't go outside at this hour to feel the 21 degrees of chill to your bones. You go outside to train in 21 degrees of life. You understand that today's training ride doesn't start when you finally get a leg over the saddle. It started years ago. There's such a strong current of momentum in life, it just needs to be identified or chased. In my case, an origin point is 13 years ago when I turned a mountain bike magazine page to Chris Eatough and my first understanding of 24 hour solo racing. Deep down I knew there was something there - one reason to always acknowledge your gut feeling, a golden rule of mine. That's where today's ride starts and for example it's where the 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo begins as well. If I were to approach a start line (of anything in life) without the understanding that there's something greater there than what I see with my eyes, I'll never survive. It reminds me of a push/pull relationship. It's about what you've experienced and chosen to lead you to that very moment...the push. And where your goals and dreams are...the pull. In my mind, it's a blurred start and finish line and it's been one giant race this whole time. Toward what destination, I'm unsure. I know of my goals for the months ahead and that my dreams have become reality. Most of me believes that I've "arrived," the rest is just icing on the cake. It'll just be a shit ton of icing! I'm not quite sure what lies ahead but I'm sure as hell training for it. I am incredibly enthused for my next race, 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo, in 3 weeks. It's a fantastic feeling to start with the momentum that I've experienced and a blessing to have the opportunity to race. It's a gold mine to understand how lucky I am to experience indescribable depths of pain for those next 24 hours.

Now it's off to Trek Bicycle Store Colorado to pick up a fat slice of justice pie. Delicious and the source of insomnia! Photos to be posted on twitter.

See you out there,