Stating that I am emotionally charged is an understatement. Taking on 3 24's in 5 weeks isn't going to be an easy task and will be a trip to remember, including the good and the not so good. I've been revisited by a special thought this morning. I understand that the races are races and in the moment, it looks like you're in a battle with the riders ahead and behind you but this is nowhere near the case. It's not a battle, it's a war within oneself and the only person I've truly competed against is the very person that intimidates me the most...myself. Nothing scares the shit out of me more than my own expectations. I have so much respect for all the fantastic riders that I will see very shortly because I know that they think the same. I know they're out to challenge themselves and see how alive one can truly feel.
I know that all this training, racing, and challenges I present myself are to maintain my sanity. Honestly, if I passed on these 24's it would create an insanity that would just rip me apart. So here goes nothing, for all those training rides and all the justice I need in my life, I'm ready to throw down. I'm so motivated by the poor relationships in the past that didn't show an ounce of support for my habits and for the lady that hit me with her 4Runner in January. This is a message that I've left those people behind. I just wish I could race myself from this past June when I won my first 24 hour solo because psychologically and physically I would kick the snot out of that dude. I'm not going to lie, I have had detailed thoughts of going down to the 24 Hours of Enchanted Forest course next spring all by myself to set up shop, simulate the race, and beat my results from June. I wouldn't put it past me. Besides, it would give me more time on the Nationals course for 2013 and 2014.
See you out there,
Friday, September 21, 2012
I’ve heard of a story that occurred at Woodstock in 1969 between Eric Clapton and Jimi Hendrix. Hendrix took the stage and performed one of his miraculous songs while Clapton stood with the audience and in awe. After the song, the story is that Clapton turned to someone and expressed his new question, “What do I do now?”
That’s how training on the bike is and has been for a while, especially lately. For as much control as I think I have over this behavior, I’m not so sure I have as much control as I think I do. It must be the way I’m wired. It must be Type A. If there were a Type A+, that would be me. Every night after a ride, I am typically satisfied with my ride but by morning, that satisfaction is long gone and in that new day I need to prove myself all over again. There’s part of me that assumes the Clapton role and part of me that assumes the Hendrix role to get to where I want to be. Sometimes I feel like I’m the driver, sometimes I feel like I’m the passenger just watching the story develop and in wonder of what I’m going to do next. It’s one in the same with my analogy that what’s today’s ceiling is tomorrow’s floor and I continue like I’m building a skyscraper. What was once satisfaction becomes the expectation. This can somewhat explain why I continue to ride the way I do and lately has been no exception. Suddenly, my typical 18K feet of climbing in Breckenridge every weekend is not enough and I already have ideas for next summer to start at night and end in the next day’s light. I don’t really have much of a choice. The ceiling’s are brief and are almost always a barrier that our own mind has built. Breckenridge training over the last 2 months, weekend in and weekend out has been such an enlightening experiencing that I am still tremendously confused about what has transcended and how my mind and body has developed in ways that are overwhelming at times. If you don’t take your mind where it needs to go, the body will never follow. So if there are barriers that are unbroken and excused by excuses then there’s no way I will succeed. I’m about to challenge myself with three 24 solos in 5 weeks beginning with Nationals next weekend to see what I’m made up of. To see if all this internal dialogue is true. To see if the belief in myself is limited or unlimited because honestly, I think I’ve been searching for a roof that just doesn’t exist. If I believe I can do anything I set my mind to, then that gives me the liberty to exhaust that option.
Yesterday, I decided to add Nationals to my fall race schedule so this should be interesting on many levels. I’m just unbelievably fortunate to be alive and to have the ability to say there’s nothing I’d rather do with my life than to race 24 solos against racers like Tinker Juarez, Cameron Chambers, Josh Tostado, and Bill Martin, amongst others. In the next six weeks, I’ll be racing against all of them. Nothing is certain and I have no clue what’s in store, but I can be prepared. It may be hell but I’m so easily and unbelievably motivated and inspired by so many entities and incredible people, that if I need to put myself through hell to get to where I need to be, then hell it is.
See you on the trails,